You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
True college students do jello shots in the library
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize