What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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