I CAN MOONWALK!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How naked do you want me to be?
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