omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
