"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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