Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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