I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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