I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
