they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
