Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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