I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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