Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
