operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
