I cannot find my penis.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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