all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
