Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
