If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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