it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
