she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
