OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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