3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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