Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
