I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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