Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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