so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
