Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
MIDGETS
????
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
