it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
