take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
