Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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