She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
