I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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