Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We smell like vodka and hangover
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