I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
