noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
