we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
