saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
