didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
