Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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