I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
