Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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