Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
