youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
