Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
