At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
