I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
