dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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