meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
