we made out on top of his cat.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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