i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
