Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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