he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
