we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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