Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
