you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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