Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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