Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
