READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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