I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
