Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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