Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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