His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
