On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
