kristin has been a bad kristin
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
