im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
