Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
