I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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