You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
