she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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