i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
