I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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