Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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