if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
