Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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