Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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