Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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